The Hogwarts Tango
by Comedia
Summary: Parvati, Ginny, Pansy, Fleur, Hermione and McGonagall tell us why they are now imprisoned at Hogwarts. Parody of Chicago's Cell Block Tango. Yes, it IS supposed to be stupid!


Disclaimer: This is very clearly not my own. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and the song belongs to the musical/movie Chicago.  
  
A/N: I can't believe I wrote this. Please forgive me.  
  
The Hogwarts Tango  
  
Dumbledore:  
The six Sandra Spellcasters of the Hogwarts Dungeon present their rendition of the Hogwarts Tango  
  
Parvati:   
Ha  
  
Ginny:   
Cho  
  
Pansy:   
Mine  
  
Fleur:   
Jamais  
  
Hermione:   
Snob  
  
McGonagall:   
Sprout  
  
Parvati:   
Ha  
  
Ginny:   
Cho  
  
Pansy:   
Mine  
  
Fleur:   
Jamais  
  
Hermione:   
Snob  
  
McGonagall:   
Sprout  
  
Parvati:   
Ha  
  
Ginny:   
Cho  
  
Pansy:   
Mine  
  
Fleur:   
Jamais  
  
Hermione:   
Snob  
  
McGonagall:   
Sprout  
  
Everyone:  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
  
Hermione:  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
Parvati:   
Ha  
  
Ginny:   
Cho  
  
Pansy:   
Mine  
  
Fleur:   
Jamais  
  
Hermione:   
Snob  
  
McGonagall:   
Sprout  
  
Parvati:  
You'd think after five years I'd get used to it  
All the teasing  
All that stupid red hair  
And how he was always laughing at something  
But one day I heard him giggling in Trelawney's class and I decided enough was enough  
So I turned around and said;  
"Ron Weasley, you stop your God-damned giggling!"  
He laughed harder  
So I pulled out my wand and gave him a warning spell  
Right through the chest  
  
Everyone:  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!  
  
Ginny:  
I was always there for Harry  
Right in front of his pretty green eyes  
But, no  
He only seemed to be able to see her  
Cho  
He pinned after that slut like she was a bag of Galleons  
One day he joked that if we were the same age he'd go out with me  
I told him there was a way we could be the same age  
Next Saturday I'll be sixteen and so will he...  
...forever!  
  
Everyone:  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself  
To blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself  
to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!  
Hah! He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower   
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!  
  
Pansy:  
It was real late one night and I went out for a midnight snack  
I've always kept a stash of candy where no one could find it  
So I slip out of my room and up the stairs  
When I get to the Whining Wardrobe on the fifth floor I heard a strange crunching sound  
And there was Goyle  
Stuffing his face with MY candy!  
And then, in a tragic accident, he fell out the window  
He was accidentally blasted through it!  
Everyone:  
Ha, Cho  
Mine, Jamais  
Snob, Sprout  
Ha, Cho  
Mine, Jamais  
Snob, Sprout  
Ha, Cho  
Mine, Jamais  
Snob, Sprout  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
Fluer:  
Je ne comprends pas pourquoi chacun ont pense que j'ai tue la facture !   
Je l'ai aime !   
Je ne l'aurais jamais blesse !   
Je juste ne comprends pas pourquoi je suis tenu ici!  
  
Dumbledore:  
Yeah, but did you do it?  
  
Fluer:  
Jamais; not guilty  
  
Everyone:  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
Hermione:  
Draco Malfoy was the most arrogant bastard of all  
Always was hissing some insult at me in the halls  
Calling me Mudblood and trying to hex me  
Thinking he was better than everyone else  
I left the library real late one evening and I was hurrying back to the common room with a big pile of books  
Something fell in my path and I fell  
When I looked up it was into Malfoy's smug little face  
I must have banged my head when I fell because I don't remember what happened after that  
It wasn't until Ginny pointed out the blood on my robes that I even knew he was dead!  
  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He had it coming all along  
I didnÕt do it.  
But if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
  
Hermione:  
He had it coming  
Girls:  
He had it coming  
Hermione:  
He had it coming  
  
Girls:  
He had it coming  
  
Girls:  
He had it coming   
  
Girls:  
He took a flower  
  
Hermione:  
All along  
  
Girls:  
In its prime  
  
Hermione:  
I didn't do it   
  
Girls:  
And then he used it  
  
Hermione:  
But if I'd done it  
  
Girls:  
And he abused it  
  
Hermione:  
How could you tell me   
  
Girls:  
It was a murder  
  
Hermione:  
That I was wrong?  
  
Girls:  
But not a crime!  
  
McGonagall:  
Severus and I were in love  
We would go to his dungeon every night and experiment with his potions  
We used the Engorgement  
Dumbledore and the Girls:  
EWWW!!! STOP!!!  
  
McGonagall (blushing):  
Well, anyway, very early one morning I tiptoed down to his office to meet him  
But when I opened the door he was feeding a potion to someone.  
Professor Sprout  
He seemed to think he had a great idea  
He thought we should share...  
...and I thought he should drink poison!  
  
Everyone:  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had  
Himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha  
You would  
Have done  
The same!  
  
Everyone:  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
  
Everyone:  
They had it comin'   
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
They had it comin'  
All along  
All along  
'Cause if they used us  
'Cause if they used us And they abused us   
And they abused us  
How could you tell us   
How could you tell us That we were wrong?  
That we were wrong?  
  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had  
Himself  
To blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha  
You would  
Have done  
The same!  
  
Parvati:  
You stop your God-damned giggling  
  
Ginny:  
We can be the same age  
  
Pansy:  
MY candy  
  
Fleur:  
Je pas jamais  
  
Hermione:  
Smug little face  
  
McGonagall:  
He thought we should share  
  
Parvati:   
Ha  
  
Ginny:   
Cho  
  
Pansy:   
Mine  
  
Fleur:   
Jamais  
  
Hermione:   
Snob  
  
McGonagall:   
Sprout  
  
A/N: I am so sorry! 


End file.
